Choose Blogging

'Choose life Choose Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and hope that someone, somewhere cares Choose looking up old flames, wishing you'd done it all differently And choose watching history repeat itself Choose your future Choose reality TV, slut shaming, revenge porn Choose a zero hour contract, a two hour journey to work And choose the same for your kids, only worse, and smother the pain with an unknown dose of an unknown drug made in somebody's kitchen And then... take a deep breath You're an addict, so be addicted Just be addicted to something else Choose the ones you love Choose your future Choose life.'

Choose heroin-related tech issue subdue complete blackout in a cinema listening to 15 minutes of Sick Boy ranting in utter darkness last night. Choose burying the memories of your dead daughter that never got celebrate her 1st birthday because it was too painful to remember.

'Nostalgia, that's why you're here. You're a tourist in your own youth.'

Choose Begbie, choose stubbornness, choose rage and revenge, choose watching history repeat itself because it feels safe because otherwise there is nowhere else to go. Choose saying farewell to your own son because you knew deep down you love him to bits but you can only live a Kinski-esque manic life so you estranged him even more. Chose exhaust your life failing, failing again, hoping fail better.

(Easter egg: Choose Irvine Welsh as the Mikey (!!!) )

Choose Rent Boy, choose to be addicted to something else, choose the loneliness of a long distance runner, choose addicted to endorphins. Choose being on a run by Begbie, ending up naturally high, laughing in front of a car bonnet. Choose reliving youth, but didn't choose Diane. (in other words, choose not choose Diane?)

Choose Spud, choose capturing both his fragility and resilience coming out of 20-year-worth of hardship and turmoil. His handwriting reminded me of Korine's, his performance reminded me of how it would look like if Julien Donkey-Boy ended up being an old man. (I think this time I have chosen Spud, our endearing Daniel. <3 )

Choose identity. Choose sentimentality. Choose ideology. Choose Mise-en-scène. Choose iconic cliché. Choose eternal recurrence. Choose being a loser, but a beautiful loser.