yet the idea of someone thinking of me in the middle of the Botswana Desert, gives me a certain comfort.

努力幻想、不敢奢求。星期天，凌晨六時，天還未亮，我帶了你到室外的游泳池：從更衣室走出來總是冰涼的，你剛走出來，我喚你，你聽不到，我緩緩走過來。帶了你的袋子，放進衣物櫃裡，直至下水，水大約是二十五度，溫熱的。

游過對面。

我說：「我上星期天哭了，以為你不喜歡我了。」

游了回來。

他說：「不是的。下星期，不要再哭了。」

Imaginary Intimacy Epiphany

In my dream, every corner, every bike could be you; every Moto Guzzi rider is you. Until the junction in Shoreditch I saw you. I double checked if it was you, perhaps knowing on your back of your friend R (instead a girl wrapping you tightly) gave me certain kind of relief. I shouted, 'J!' You were unaware, presumably since you were wearing the helmet, R turned and waved back. But I gathered that you needed to concentrate, on the next junction you acknowledged me; turned back. I greeted you, 'Alright?' then carried on walking. The act, my smile, the tune from my headset was Teen suicide's I feel like dying, my heart was pounding I nearly lost my breath Yes This is madness yes I felt like I was Molly Bloom yes I was going to die. My veins, pupils engaged, gaze frozen. My Thursday morning, this very own Thursday morning. My sweetest injection, as long as it belongs to me. Time is fleeting. Embrace it because you will never get those moments back.

是你想太多你才會出現，還是你出現才想你太多？

The evening I left work, I accidentally bumped into your other friend on the way back.

A surreal day it is.